Why women are better to talk to by Jeremy Clarkson
There is nothing that fills my heart with such dread as an all-male gathering. This is why I avoid stag nights and “lads’ nights out” with the same fervent determination as I avoid close encounters with nettles and rabid dogs. I do not understand business, cigars bore me, I have no interest in cricket and if anyone slaps me on the back, I am filled with a sometimes overwhelming need to respond with a punch to the face.
When men are not talking about business and cricket and slapping one another’s backs, they talk nonsense, wondering, for instance, if it is possible to live upside down, or cross the Atlantic on a vacuum cleaner. This sort of thing is useless when you have been charged with running the country. You may start out with every intention of working out how the Department for Business, Innovation and Skills could be abolished. But pretty soon, after you’ve checked on the cricket scores, you’re going to be wondering if it’s possible to ingest ice cream through your nose.
Men need women in order to function properly, and the reason for this is simple: a conversation with an interesting man is just a conversation with an interesting man. Ultimately, it’s going nowhere. Whereas a conversation with an interesting woman, provided she isn’t completely enormous, could go out of the door, up the stairs and into the bedroom. Or into the garden. Or to the back seat of the car. It could go anywhere. This is why men are much funnier and cleverer when women are around. Because we flirt and women flirt back. And flirting is the oil that lubricates the engine of ingenuity and wit.
I cannot be arsed to think a single original thought when I’m surrounded by men. But throw a woman into the mix and usually I have developed a new world order by tea time.
